I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
