Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
