Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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