I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
