Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
