it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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