thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
