hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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