My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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