I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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