Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
