Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Too much gin, very little bucket
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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