You just made me feel so damn special
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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