I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
