so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
