me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The air taste purple.
Randomize
