i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
