I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We are two peas in an std pod
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
