I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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