You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just had sex on a roof
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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