At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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