she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
