I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
