I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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