remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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