we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
