I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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