Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
