he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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