Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She bit a glass in half.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize