I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize