??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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