Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
