I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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