so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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