Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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