She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
