John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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