Don't you send me to vm
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
