im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
