I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
