I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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