Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
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