the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
