I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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