It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
