So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
