i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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