drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
