Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
