i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
