This house was built for laser tag.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
