I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
