i barfeds in our rink
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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