Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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