watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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