you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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