We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
