he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
