Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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