You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
do herpes really smell.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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