I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
