I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
