so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
