man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
